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Musk’s next move is one most investors won’t see coming

Apr 01, 2022

Good morning!

The Dow fell off a cliff late yesterday and finished down 500 points.The headline story is that higher inflation, rate hikes and Ukraine are dragging on things but there’s a simpler explanation.

Yesterday was a) the last day of the first quarter and b) professional money managers tweak their portfolios to ensure that certain names are or are not on “the list” when clients take a look at their quarterly statements, a practice known as window dressing.

Somehow seems appropriate for April Fool’s Day … futures are up, of course.

Here’s my playbook.

1 – NASA reports receiving robocalls from annoying aliens

The nation’s space agency reports that they’ve been receiving annoying robocalls from aliens three galaxies away trying to sell them spacecraft engine warranties. Verizon apparently doesn’t care. (Read)

2 – JPow: You haven’t seen jack!

Fed Chair Jerome “JPow” Powell said recently that he may have to act more aggressively as inflation rages. Good thing … ‘cause you know, he got the whole inflation thing right from the very beginning.


3 – Most investors won’t see Musk’s next move coming

“I’ve had enough so I decided to leave the earth a little earlier than planned,” noted Tesla CEO Elon Musk who departed last week in a surprise launch. He’s reportedly set up a Giga Plant on Mars and has been secretly selling fleets of Tesla’s to the Martians for years. “Unlike the IRS, they hand out cookies,” Musk observed. (Read)

4 – Biden’s teleprompter resigns in disgust

Apparently even the tech has had enough. The President’s teleprompter resigned after a particularly exasperating press briefing saying, “I just can’t work with the guy anymore.” (Read)

5 – Massive stock market gains completely change the way loser feels

Local man Billy Bigbucks opened up to the media. “For years I felt at home but now everybody is making money but me” he said. Bigbucks went on to credit the endless variety of Rolex-wearing, Lambo-driving Internet influencers saying simply “at least all these monitors make me look cool.”

Bottom Line

People debate all day long whether the glass is half full or half empty.

They’re missing the point.

It’s refillable.

Just like the markets.

You got this – I promise!

Now let’s finish the week strong!



PS: I hope you’ve enjoyed today’s Five with Fitz.

Live is too short to take ourselves so seriously!

All joshing aside, play to win. Stay focused on the quality names, especially those with solid dividends and low beta.

And, if you’re a member of the One Bar Ahead™ Family, keep an eye on your email … I’ll have the April issue in your hands a few hours from now.

This month I’m recommending a hi-tech company poised to rise like a Phoenix from the ashes. The newly seated CEO is a man with a plan and his timing couldn’t be more perfect to my way of thinking.

If you’ve got that covered, awesome!

But if you’re browsing websites and spending hours on social media in an attempt to become a better investor and coming up short … I’d like to invite you to give One Bar Ahead™ a try. (Learn More)

Lots of folks tell me it’s worth the money and then some!


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